No matter what our age, as human beings, we all need some certainty to live bearable lives; we need to see a future in order to achieve it; and to imagine a future we need certainty.
While discipline in a functional home may be balanced by confidence that we are really loved unconditionally, in cases of sudden separation, discipline takes on a whole new meaning.
Each change in an infant’s living situation brings with it a new set of rules to identify and learn. Within each situation, each worker, carer or other authority figure will have their own personality and some unique rules about what is the right way to do something, or even about what makes them cross.
Rules can seem to change constantly. As a result, one of the most significant lessons a life in care can teach a child is that they will never win. There can be no clear link between actions and consequences because consequences are so often random. Defeat seems inevitable and effort pointless. A paralysis of purpose and cycle of failure can set in. All of these factors make separation a recipe for dysfunction.
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